Amin English Blog

 Something that doesnt get better is when someone catches an std such as HIV or AIDS. The two diseases are internal and eternal and can infect anyone you engage in sexual activity with. It doesnt get better due to the fact it sits in your body and flows through blood causing weakness and sick days. 

 When I graduate high school I plan on attending a technical college to pursue my hopes and dreams of becoming an auto body technician. My plans originally are to attend school long enough to perfect my craft, become an apprentice at a shop or something and then eventually open my own shop. I've been planning to do this since I was about 12 and haven't changed my mind since then. 

 I got my 2nd tattoo on years of 2022, and didn't really know what I wanted so I had to think fast before I got off of work. I get to my appointment and show the artist what I wanted. I wasn't specific on what size I wanted but I knew I wanted the tattoo. She began doing it and I realized she placed it on wrong but not really. She finished and it was medium sized and slanted to the left, making it look weird. 

 I was in the 3rd grade and was one of the biggest trouble makers of my grade. Me and my homeroom teacher did not get along, she had proven to me she was still a small minded person and in many ways disrespectful to me as a human being so I treated her the same. I got in enough trouble to be labeled as a "bad kid". One week we had an upcoming field trip and I was excited for it, paid my money and all, got my permission slip signed and was ready to go. Well the day of, I guess I got in too much trouble that week and they told me the day of, right before the field trip that I couldn't go. I was mad, so mad I got in more trouble, acting out of anger and digging a deeper hole. 

 I am in high school and probably haven't been in elementary school in about 5-6 years, but I had quite a lot of friends in those years. As years have passed and I've gotten older and progressed in school I saw a lot of people I knew and remembered from my classes and hallways. I walked past faces I found familiar and some that looked familiar but just didn't click. I had this one friend that I use to see everywhere, but couldn't remember where from or How i knew him but I did, Until one day I saw him on Instagram and saw a name, then it clicked, we were in the same 3rd grade class and got in every bit of trouble together.

 I remember when I was 6, at a parade and everything was colorful, loud and exciting to see. All the floats were decorated nice, dances were well performed and the organizations were well put together as they all walked down the same street. Just as everything was taking off a man hanging off the side of his float had fallen and was swept under the 4-wheeled platform. Everyone groaned in shock and the women cried out "help him," but no one moved. EMS came and got him securely from under the float, everyone was so scared and still in shock they left and at that point the parade that barely started was now, over. 

 I hate parties. I hate parties because they tend to be full of people who live for the moment and only the moment, people that will leave the party and forget half of what they did but remember all of what they go through. I do not enjoy parties because I find no fun in dancing, talking to multiple people at once and grabbing food from where 100 other fingers have grabbed from as well. I find no joy in walking into a place and having to adapt to my surroundings, getting comfortable and having to pretend I want to be there. When I go to parties I am that person that will stand in one spot, with the same 1-2 people and leave when it gets boring, usually the first 30 min to an hour. 

 Something I seem to be certain of is being successful in life. Hard determination, hard work and major dedication is something I practice and pray upon every day I wake up, every time I go to sleep and every time I do something I feel I need to.  I have big dreams of being great in life and the highest of hopes to be the best version of myself now and for years to come. My upbringing was different from a lot of the other kids but I was told young and still being told til this day that It is not a bout where I come from, How I came from there but where I will end up later in life. Ever since I was young I've been telling myself I'll be wealthy, healthy and happy and is something I am very certain of. 

 I wish to give thanks, thanks to those who did for me and do for me constantly without me asking. The support I had growing up and still have as I grow, I give more thanks. Thank you to my mother especially for being the best she could be for me and all 7 of my siblings, for providing a life she in fact did not live on her own, for always and I mean always being the back bone of her household, the father in our lives and the strongest most beautiful woman we've ever known. Conversing with us our problems, as she may not always have a solution but always listened, always. Thanks to my mother for never leaving our side, never giving us the cold shoulder, never disowning us in any way and never blinding herself when we were visible, for that I give thanks. 

 I honestly don't think I've received a gift in the wrong way, but I have received gifts I didn't really want. Christmas of 2016 was rough, very rough. My household was going through a very hard time. Mom was less of a car and couldn't really provide for us as she wished so she had to make do when the holidays came. On Christmas the gifts we were given were not what we expected nor wanted, or at least that was the case for me. The clothes I got were from Walmart and the shoes I got were not something I'd myself ask for or wear if it was in my closet. Although I didn't like the gifts and couldn't hide the fact that I didn't like them, I kept an open eye that my mama did the best she could for us and that she did all she could that day. 

 I can't go down a list and tell every single thing I've found out growing up but I can tell one in particular. I was in the 7th grade and woke up one morning, my mom and brother were gone with no warning or telling the day before. I went to school and still heard nothing from either my mom or brother. I got out of school and my older brother's car was there, I was home for about an hour and still heard nothing from my mom or anyone. Comes to find out, my oldest brother was arrested that morning and my grandfather passed on that same morning. 

 When I was in 5th grade, I told a friend my deepest secret at the time in hopes that he'd keep it and that'd just be our secret now. I told Him and he promised, swore up and down that no one would know. The next day I was in class and heard my name more than usual, I turned around and it was my friend and a group of his friends. I leaned in closer to hear what they were talking about and It just so happened to be a conversation about our previous conversation. I was so mad, I just blanked out and went off. 

 After all these years, procrastinating and thinking I've finally come to the conclusion I owe myself an apology. An apology for all the troubles I've caused myself, others and trouble that interfered with anything I had going on at any given time. For all the times I've brought tears to my mothers eyes, disrespected any of my related elders and irritating any soul close to me. I apologize for not being the best sibling to my siblings, having the worst attitude for no reason and being a pain when It wasn't necessary. 

 Something I used to know how to do is a front flip when I was younger. Now when I try and flip it isn't as easy as it used to be compared to when I was in my earlier years. Back then I could flip with no problem, barrel roll with no problem and even hit a cartwheel with no problem but now I just throw my body and land wrong. Falling on my head, neck and back prevents me from trying again. 

 I have a great memory, but I have trouble remembering the day I was born. My eyes were open I know it, I was crying and was the center of attention in the room at the time. I don't remember where I came from or how I got where I was, but I was there, Blind. I hear about the day and how it happened but I don't remember any of it, But from what I was told i'm a miracle baby, umbilical chord wrapped around my neck, which caused the doctors to perform an emergency c-section, also discovering a heart murmur at birth. 

 I was in first grade and loved to draw (still do), I would go to the back of the class grab paper, crayons and just draw my life away. One day I took it a step further and grabbed a stack of paper and push-crayons and attempted to steal them. Not being aware of my surroundings someone I thought was a friend, yelled out "he's stealing," embarrassing right. So, me being me, I denied it until she looked in my bag and her stack of papers and crayons was right there. I cried and cried, saying I just wanted to draw so she let me have it after telling me I didn't have to steal, but took it back the next day because I stole dice prior to the coloring supplies. 

 Something I would say I have too much of is pride, it's one of my biggest downfalls but also my strongest belief. The belief that what I believe in and how I handle my every situation is the right way, for me. I refuse to let the opinions of others or the view others have of me or a situation depict who I am. If I can't let go of my pride to protect my feelings and sanity, then that is just what it has to be. 

 Something I can't deny would have to be who my mother is. If you saw us in the grocery market at the same time you'd probably assume off the bat that were in some way related. The facial features, jaw structure, head size, skin color, hair, almost everything is the same and it would be impossible for us to not know each other.

 On April 1, 2015 My siblings and I were awakened by our oldest cousin that we needed to get ready for school and that she was about to take our mom to the hospital (pregnant). The whole while we were getting ready for school all we could hear was her in pain and that it hurts. She left about the same time we did, we went to school and when we got out our cousin had come and picked us up, taking us to who knows where. After riding we end up at St. Joseph Candler, sitting in the lobby she tells us our mama had the baby, now it is April first, I did not believe it, didn't even try to believe it until she showed us a pic. After waiting for about 20-30 mins, they finally let us in the room and there she was on the hospital bed holding my little brother. 

 Something that I tend to obsess over that's meaningless is graduating. Although I am only in my junior year and still have plenty of time to go I often think that I may not finish. I do good in school, as far as my grades and staying out of trouble but the motivation is sometimes not there and I tend to imagine i'll just fail in result.